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GOLD: Gold membership @ £64.95 gives you a Free Bike Service worth £80 (Gold member services must be taken from September to March). Please note all courses and classes have sadly been suspended until further notice.

Our Truly Useless Government

There have been too many cock-ups, too much cronyism, too many U-turns, too much overpromising

By no means an exhaustive and in no particular order I give you their lowlights:

-Government official numbers of deaths due to CoVid 19 85,000+ (pre the reduction of the figure
by 5,000+). Highest number of deaths per capita than all other G20 countries.

-19th Jan John Crace™ On the day that the UK took poll position in the number of deaths per capita in the coronavirus pandemic – I’m not sure that’s what the prime minister had in mind when he described the country as world-beating – one of the biggest political stories was whether Boris Johnson treated himself to power naps during the course of his working day™

-18 days since we left the EU and Scottish and Devon fishermen protesting in London how they had been lied to by an incompetent government.

-18th Jan Mr Johnson wipps his MPs to abstain on opposition motion to retain the £200 per week uplift to universal credit payments.

-18th Jan A new low even for Mr Johnson suggest that tabling a debate on universal credit and free school meals would lead to the left making trouble akin to the storming of the Capitol in the US.

-14th Jan Mr Reece Mog They are British fish and they are better and happier for it!

-15th Jan The UK economy is heading for a double-dip recession after official figures confirmed a renewed slump in November as the second wave of the coronavirus pandemic took hold.

-Jan 2021 food boxes to cover free school meal provision. Supposed value of £30.00 (if food was bought from Asda cost under £6.00) provided by company with close ties to Mr Johnsons party and history of donations to the Tory party.

-Mr Johnson stands by fisheries minister Victoria Prentis over admission she was too ‘busy’ to read deal, as SNP calls for resignation.

-Conservative MPs representing fishing areas angry , including in Scotland, over red tape and delays caused by the introduction of the post-Brexit fishing regime.

-Speaking to the liaison committee on Wednesday, prime minister Boris Johnson did not appear to grasp the situation facing British touring acts, incorrectly stating that British musicians have “the right to go play in any EU country for 90 out of 180 days” – the EU proposal that the government turned down.

-11th Jan 21 Mr Handcock "people should not bend the rules to suit themselves it cost lives"

-10th Jan 21 Mr Johnson goes on bike ride 7 miles from home, out of his local area not sure if bike was driven there, but sadly again taking us for fools. Two woman who drove 5 miles for walk fined £200!

-2017 Mr Johnson voicing his support for a NOBLE PEACE PRIZE for Mr Trump. Another good call by our esteemed leader Mr Johnson.

-As John Crace so beautiful put it Mr Johnson is "A man pathologically unable to make the right calls at the right time. The prime minister is a narcissistic charlatan.".

-2016 Mr Johnson under no circumstances would we ever withdraw from the Erusmas program 2020 Mr Johnson with draws uk from Erusmas.

-Extending the Christmas recess to 11th Jan to yet further avoid scrutiny and obviously a PMQs which Mr Johnson is not very good at.

-16th Dec "It would be inhuman to cancle Christmas"

-19th Dec Christmas cancled.

-23rd Dec 2000 hgv waiting to leave the Uk

-Covid 19 late December out of contol Government no ideas and no plan what to do.

-Four and half years since bent referendum only left with ffish. The gammon will never learn should have paid a little more attention at school.

-Trying to blame the leaders of Manchester City area for Covid 19 deaths irony has final died

-Mr Johnson 27th Nov "Keeping our foot on the neck of the beast" What a total knob!

-4 years and 5 months on from the bent referendum and this bunch of lying pigmies still have no idea what 'the easiest deal in history' will look like.

-21st October Mr Johnson lying again in the house of commons the house of commons that is some how it is Mr Khan fault that TFL is in debt not the pandemic

-Mr Johnsons deluded conference speech 6th October

-Mr Johnson has no idea how to get R rate down or even his own rules of what we need to do in what tier

-Mr Johnson unable to answer any question at PMQ wanting to discredit the whole process

-Mr Johnson Brexit dead lines time and again backing down and extending talks what a knob, 16th Oct again backing away from his 15th Deadline

-Missed 16,000 positive cases in last seven days 5th Oct, possible 50k plus missed track and trace

-Mr Johnson unable to explain how the above 22,000 cases were omitted from the daily totals

-Unable to get on top of second wave numbers of infections 3rd Oct over 12000 that day alone

-Passing of the internal market bill a very sad day for the rule of law

-Don't even know their own lock down rules truly pathetic

-Kent access permits

-Students being locked in their halls of residents

-Track and trace app not working with NHS Covid 19 Tests

-Provision for 7,000 queuing lorries in Kent

-Trip to Italy?

-Highest excess numbers of deaths in the whole of Europe, ONS announced 30th July

-"Flattening the hump of the camel"

-Moonshot test drivel 10th Sept

-Test and trace 16th September

-Mr Mogg HofC 17th Sept" we should stop carping and congratulate the Government for their test track record"

-M/s Dido drivel to the select committee 18th September

-U-turn after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn U- turn after after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn after U-turn, never anyone in government taking responsibility or doing the right thing and resigning.

-Breaking International law just a tiny winy bit.

-Mr T Abbott

-"He is a Prime Minster of a freedom loving country" latest drivel from Mr Johnson

-Worst Prime Minster ever ever ever ever (Nick Abbot LBC best radio DJ ever ever ever)

-Worst Home Secretary ever

-Worst Foreign Secretary ever

-Worst worst Education Secretary ever

-Worst Trade Secretary ever

-Worst Business Secretary ever

-Worst LEADER OF THE HOUSE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER complete and utter cock

-Worst worst worst worst NI Secretary ever

-Worst Government ever and that is after Mrs May's

-"Oven ready deal" election campaign slogan 2019. August 2020 deal with EU looks "very unlikely"

-Mr Johnson reneging on WA 7th Sept 2020 complete and utter ......

-Mr Johnson off on holiday through out the whole of the exam debacle

-Mass reduction of the numbers of deaths

-Awarding of non tendered contract to Public Frist who helped fuck up exam results, strangely good mates of Mr Cummings and Mr Gove

-Mr Johnson's speech 30th July boastfully announcing what a great job his government has done in bring the numbers of deaths down and its handling of the epidemic

-Trying to shift blame onto PHE to save their shameless skins

-Never taking responsibility for any thing

-Mr Johnson's bright idea to disband the Threat Hazard Resilience and Contingency Committee six months prior to CoVid 19 reaching our shores

-152 million spent on useless face masks from a mate of Liz Truss

-A level results

-Level 3 BTECH results

-GCSE's results

-U turn after U turn, but never an apology

-Sneakily removing 1.3m CoVid19 test results

-"Ring of steel around our care homes"

-Failing in their promise to test everyone in care homes by Aug 1st

-Their quite shocking honours list

-"Operation last gasp"

-Blaming care home providers

-Blaming care home staff

-Mr Johnson missing 5 Cobra meetings

-Mr Johnson going on holiday at outset of pandemic

-29th July Minster stated they had not sent infected people into care homes

-Mr Johnson gas lighting care home staff saying he never said what he said

-Mr Hancock lying in the house of commons that he ordered lock down on the 16th March

-NHS hospital parking charges for NHS workers

-Blaming the Unions

-Blaming the Teachers

-Blaming the Civil Service

-Blaming the public

-Passing the responsibility of workers returning to work onto employers

-Mr Johnson announcing lockdown on the 23rd March

-21,600 deaths in care homes to date due to CoVid 19 (40% of all deaths due to CoVid 19)

-Excess deaths in care homes this year 31,000+

-Second highest death rate per head of residents in care homes in EU

-Worst numbers of deaths in Europe due to CoVid19

-Higher death rate on a single day than the entire rest of EU

-Higher death rate on most days than the following countries have had for the whole of the outbreak and this is just in the EU: Greece, Slovenian, Slovakia, Lithuania, Croatia

-3rd July UK 1.8% of global deaths we only represent 1% of world population

-23rd March UK deaths due to CoVid 19 one hundred and six.

-8th July UK deaths due to CoVid 19 one hundred and twenty six

-"We have done a great job on bearing down on this virus"

-"The world will be taking note just how well we have performed"

-"Our test and trace system is as good or better than anywhere else in the world"

-"It should be all over by Christmas"

-Pushing responsibility of returning to work onto employers

-Mr Grayling being made head of the intelligence committee

-Mr Fayling even messing this up

-Mr Grayling new 100k job advising ports!

-Trying to to avoid blame for Russia's involvement in the Brexit referendum

-Putting Mr Fox up for head of the WTO

-Forgetting the self employed

-"We will make sure no one is forgotten"

-"I don't do gesture politics"

-"Whack-a-mole"

-Ignoring Cygnus and the short comings it highlighted

-Third & fourth rate cabinet minsters

-Billions spent / wasted on no deal Brexit

-The Farage Cark Parks near major ports

-Cost of above carparks

-Government projected additional costs of UK business trading with the EU 7bn

-End of free health care in Europe

-End of working rights in 27 European countries

-End of free travel across Europe

-English exceptionalism

-"Contract trace and taste"

-Under reporting numbers of deaths for at least 22 days in April

-Testing capacity

-Lying throughout May of the number of people being tested

-Stopping reporting of numbers of people tested daily weekly and monthly

-Stopping reporting of numbers of deaths

-Double counting / testing / PPE

-"World beating track and trace app."

-Self congratulation at every stage

-The no show app. (11 million spent with vote leave spivs)

-PPE

-Mr Cummings, Easter Holiday / Birthday Parties / Eye Test

-Mr Cummings contemptible rose garden drivel

-Mr Johnson senior contemptible drivel from Greece

-Mr Johnson junior contemptible drivel at PMQs

-Lying constantly at PMQs, lame jokes and infantile behaviour

-One rule for them another for the rest of us

-Unable to speak in sentences

-Dyson ventilators

-Not enough high pressure oxygen to meet demands even though this is what Mr Johnson was treated with so successfully

-Changing admission criteria to hospital the day before Mr Johnson was admitted

-Constant mixed messages

-Russian report

-Never even bothering to investigate whether there was any interference in any of our recent referendums and or elections

-Back to school planning

-8th July Tory party cancel their physical September Conference

-8th July Government announce that all parents who do not send their children to school in September will be fined £60.00 per day. Recently raised to £120.00 per day.

-Free school meals

-Charging EU NHS workers for their health care

-Herd Immunity

-Date of lock down

-Holding back of Pillar 2 data

-Date of Leicester lock down

-"Local councils should show some courage"

-R rate at lock down

-Date of easing of lock down

-R rate at easing of lock down

-Miss information on R rate

-Face masks

-12th July Mr Gove defending not wearing face masks, 14th July government policy now have to wear face masks in all shops

-British common sense

-Lying in The House of Commons

-"Squash the Sombrero"

-"Take it on the chin"

-"I shook hands with everyone"

-Disappearances of comparisons the moment we over took the rest of Europe

-No proper planning for any phase of this terrible epidemic

-Date of introduction of quarantine at borders

-Shambolic air bridges

-6am opening of pubs in England 4th July

They should show some humility, apologies for their abject failures and on mass resign.

Remember Mr Johnson and Mr Cummings are nasty lying knobs.

Micycle Team

If you would like us to add any more to the list, that we might of missed, as sadly their lies have made it almost impossible to listen to their bilge day in day out. Please email us at contact@micycle.org.uk

Cracking team what could possibly go wrong: Knob 1, Knob 2 and mega Knob 3! We will leave it to you to work out which one is the mega.